


I'll follow you

by Annerp



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blood As Lube, Blood Play, Come Marking, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Hate Sex, Hurt No Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22040827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annerp/pseuds/Annerp
Summary: An unstable, angry Loki is sent to Earth after Odin stops his attempt to destroy Jotunheim. He is placed in SHIELD'S custody and is to be watched over by a newly revived Steve Rogers who is dealing with his own undiagnosed and untreated PTSD.This takes place during the events of the first Thor movie which for the sake of this fic will coincide closely to Steve being pulled from the ice.
Relationships: Loki/Steve Rogers
Comments: 22
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THE TAGS!
> 
> This is likely going to be the darkest thing I will ever post and will be triggering for some people. There will not be any redemption. There will not be a happy ending. This story is about the ways these boys deal with their trauma with no support other than themselves. 
> 
> Please please please look at the tags again before you proceed.

I’ll follow you

Chapter 1

  
  


❄️

Loki hurts. Having Mjolnir resting on his chest, pinning him down to the bifrost with its unyielding weight hurt. He felt every second of the way his ribs cracked under the pressure, his lungs constricting as they strained to draw in each breath. It was as painful as it was humiliating, only overshadowed by the pure white rage that burned in his core; that still burns as the AllFather steals his magic and shackles his body for the journey to Midgard.

He's sure Odin would have a better word than stealing. Possibly something like securing or restricting to quell the troubled masses and make everyone feel better about the torture being meted out under the guise of punishment. 

Maybe he should have turned the bifrost on Asgard itself. 

☀️

"Captain Rogers. We have a situation with the prisoner." Fury says from behind him. 

Steve can't be sure how long the man has been standing there. Not that it really matters. If he cared he would have been more concerned that Fury was able to sneak up on him. Steve isn’t interested in making excuses for his lack of attention. But he does feel the constant furrow between his brows deepen just a little more.

"We need to move him off the helicarrier and we don't have another facility available right now," the Director continues after waiting a beat to see if Steve is going to respond. 

"I thought Thor said his powers were taken away."

"They have been, but he's a wily fucker and that doesn't seem to be slowing him down."

Crossing his arms over his chest Steve waits. There has to be a point to this. 

“I need someone to keep an eye on him. Someone who can handle an enhanced being. Someone I can trust.”

If he had it in him Steve would have laughed at the shear ridiculousness of every one of those sentences. “And that’s supposed to be me? I’m assuming that’s why you called me here.”

"Honestly Captain, you wouldn’t have been my first choice.” Fury gives him a pointed look that Steve ignores. “But I don’t have a lot of options and he's insisting it be you. Now I know-"

"I'll do it," Steve cuts him off. 

He's not afraid of being saddled with watching a depowered God of Mischief. He doesn't necessarily want to do it though and Steve has no idea why he opened his mouth and accepted. He wants to go back to his empty apartment with his empty life and continue to ignore the empty hole in his chest. It's familiar, but not comforting. In fact, if he stopped to really focus past the numbness, he would realize just how horrible his life is. His new life in this new world.

Maybe this assignment will give him something. A goal. A purpose. A way out.

  
  


❄️

The guards aren't subtle or quiet when they come for him. Loki's first reaction is to reach for his magic, teeth bared in a snarl. For an alarming second he forgets the violation, the utter horror of having it stolen. The searing pain as it was ripped from his very soul that only added to the all consuming hatred in his heart.

Now he is here, trapped in this glass box with no privacy, no dignity and no way out. Until now, as he is ordered up from the hard slab his captors pass off as a bed. 

He still hesitates, just long enough to draw the guards with their ever present stun batons closer. He can't stop the grimace that briefly flickers across his features with the first blow, but it's quickly replaced by a stoic blankness that belies the intense satisfaction that the sharp pain brings.

☀️

Steve watches as Loki is led down the hallway towards him flanked by a dozen guards. The god is smirking, eyes sparkling with something barely restrained. Hysteria, Steve's mind helpfully supplies. And it's accurate on so many levels. 

He wants to hate him. Especially after what Thor told them about how Loki tried to kill an entire race of beings. He should probably be worried that he can’t seem to muster up the feelings needed to hate him. That lack of outrage might make him a good impartial jailer. Or just a bad person. 

The smirk though. That should stir a reaction from him. Distantly he knows that's why Loki is doing it. Maybe he should try harder. Maybe he might feel something deep in the yawing chasm of his chest. But he isn’t willing to put the effort into feeling something and risk falling apart at his carefully held together seams. 

❄️

The house they are driven to is the only structure around for miles. Loki supposes it’s quaint in its own way. Not that his opinion matters. 

He follows the Captain up the stairs to the front door and tries not to be obvious in the way he scans the area for additional guards. The way his keeper looks around though, makes him realize his subtly is wasted. 

The Captain ushers Loki in the door with their bags and immediately starts searching the home. 

“What are you looking for?” Loki asks after watching the blond for several minutes. The only response he gets is a quick glance up of startlingly blue eyes before the Captain goes back to his search.

He emerges from the back of the house where Loki presumes the bedrooms must be and drops a handful of crushed electronics on the kitchen counter. Loki watches as he pulls out his phone and places a call. 

“Tell your men to stay out of the house unless I call them in. Fifty yards out. No closer.”

There is a response on the line that Loki can’t quite make out.

"You asked me to watch him and I am, but you don’t get to spy on me here any more than at my apartment.”

There is another response too low to catch anything other than an irritated tone.

“Then consider it a favor that I left one in the living room.”

☀️

Steve hangs up the phone and runs a hand through his hair. Briefly he wonders what he’s gotten himself into, but when he looks back at Loki with his wild eyes and the sneer on his face, it clicks into place. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Loki are alone and things escalate dangerously immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for:  
> self harm  
> Dubcon because neither party is really in a good place mentally to give consent  
> Blood  
> Very rough sex

Chapter 2

  
  


❄️

Putting them together is a mistake. Loki can already tell. And he's delighted that Fury is so shortsighted as to not see it. These pathetic mortals have no idea how to deal with their Captain. The man is clearly not okay. Loki can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, the things he says, even the things he doesn't. And like knows like. 

Steve Rogers is not well. But that's fine with Loki because he knows he isn't either. He's looking forward to seeing just how much it'll take to break the Captain down.

As it turns out, he doesn't need to do anything because Steve Rogers is already broken.

☀️

Steve flops down on the bed in his room and stares at the window. He can hear Loki prowling around the kitchen opening cupboards, checking inside drawers. There’s probably something in there that Loki could use as a weapon against him. Steve is fine with that. He’s not afraid of Loki. Self preservation has never been his strength and he certainly has no intention of starting now. 

Loki must tire of inspecting the kitchen and so he comes down the hallway and leans against the door frame. The blond glances up and catches Loki staring at him. His expression is blank, but Steve can see the intensity in his eyes. The way Loki examines him is enough to make Steve shift slightly, just enough to face the god and return his blank stare. 

The feral grin that spreads over Loki’s face causes Steve to clench his hands into fists. He knows what ever Loki is about to say will be aimed to piss him off. He welcomes it.

"Tell me Captain. Why were you, a sickly, worthless, waste of flesh chosen for the serum?"

That’s a question Steve has already asked himself many times, without ever coming to a satisfactory conclusion despite Dr. Erskine’s pronouncement so long ago that he is a good man. Steve has always known that isn't true. He’s vaguely interested in hearing what Loki has to say.

"Did you lie on your belly for them? Were they gentle and take you like a blushing maiden on her wedding night? Or were you held down and abused? Fucked raw and painful until you were left a bleeding useless husk too stretched out to even be good for that. Was the serum your reward for being their whore?"

Steve doesn't respond to Loki even as the darkness of the god's voice tries to worm it's way into his head, opening up wounds old and new. And dammit if he doesn’t feel his body start to react. 

"Did you like it? Are you still a whore? Is that why they keep you around Captain? I wonder what it must be like to tear into you. To rip you open until you're bleeding and crying? Fill you with cum until it leaks out when you're too loose to keep it in anymore. Hmmm? Shall I ask Fury? Stark? Or shall I just find out for myself?"

Steve knows Loki is trying to rile him up by insulting him. Trying to manipulate him into doing what Loki wants. But Steve has no issue doing some manipulating of his own and there is nothing Loki can call him that he doesn't already know, so he only rolls to his stomach, looks back over his shoulder and growls, "do it, or get out," before putting his forehead down against the mattress. 

Behind him, he hears the bedroom door snick shut and tries to ignore the twist in his belly at the thought of Loki walking out. He startles when his ankle is seized painfully, bones grinding together and he is drug down to the end of the bed. "I think I will."

Loki's voice is dark and full of promises of pain. This time Steve doesn't ignore the way his stomach clenches. This time he takes that feeling and examines it. Turning it this way and that until he finally realizes that the gaping maw of his chest isn't so empty after all. 

There is something dark and ugly trying to claw its way to the surface. Something that is entirely Steve Rogers and he welcomes it with every ounce of his being. He feels it deep within himself. For the first time in a long while he feels. And it's exquisitely horrible.

An hour later he's alone. He flexes his ankle and notes the way the pain has already started to diminish. But when he presses his fingers to his right cheek bone a small smile stretches his lips. His mouth stings when his lip splits open and starts bleeding again. For a fleeting moment he wonders how long he can keep splitting it open before it finally heals. Probably only until he falls asleep. 

The cheekbone is broken and Steve keeps prodding at it until the ache starts to fade. He should get up, take a shower, change the bloody sheets. Instead he spits out a mouthful of blood onto the already disgusting bed and lays there until he drifts off.

_ "You're bleeding Captain." Loki's voice is casual, the calmest he has sounded since he started his assault on Steve's body.  _

_ Steve opens his eyes to see Loki looking down between his legs. "Good." He almost doesn't recognize his own voice.  _

_ He sits up just enough to bite into the flesh at Loki's shoulder, tearing the skin with his teeth. The god stiffens and jerks his hips forward involuntarily. When Steve pulls away to lay back again he tilts his head letting Loki's blood run from his mouth, down the side of his face. The movement has the effect of baring his throat. He stays that way until Loki leans forward and bites sharply at Steve's lip, mixing their blood together.  _

_ Steve grabs at Loki's hair and pulls, forcing the god to meet his gaze. Loki's eyes are wild, pupils blown wide and there is blood smeared across his face. Steve brings one hand down to swipe through the blood still sluggishly leaking from Loki's shoulder then brings it lower to stroke himself until he clenches tightly down on Loki's cock as he cums. _

☀️

"Why did they stick me with you?" Steve isn't expecting an answer, at least not a satisfactory one. But he gets one anyway.

"I chose you. It took a fair amount of manipulation to get Fury to release me to your custody." His voice is smug, as it often is.

Steve blinks but otherwise doesn't react. Loki continues on as though he did. "Of all your ridiculous peers you are the weakest. Expendable even as their supposed leader. A trained circus clown created to sell a war that ended while you lay forgotten and the world passed you by without even stopping to mourn. Weak, broken, pathetic."

There  _ is _ something satisfying about hearing those words from the god’s mouth. Loki sees him, understands him in a way no one else ever has. It feels freeing in its own way and he wants to do something for Loki in return. So he does the only thing he can think of. He rises from the bed and takes a defensive stance waiting for Loki to attack. He doesn’t have to wait long.

☀️

The check in by Agent Coulson wasn't unexpected, just inconvenient. Steve had been sitting on the edge of his bed with a bloodied kitchen knife beside him. He had to rush to pull on a long sleeve shirt to cover his arms and chest, the brief satisfaction from the cuts evaporating quickly.

The longer the agent is there, the more agitated Steve becomes. Does Coulson suspect something? He would be appalled to learn just what his hero has been doing since he arrived at the house with Loki a few days ago. That thought alone spikes something in Steve's belly. The low thrum of anxious energy starts to coalesce into something dark and hungry.

As soon as the front door is secured Steve heads back to his bedroom. Loki, ever observient, is right on his heels. 

"Fuck or fight Captain, which is it to be?" Steve can't stop the shiver that rolls down his spine as he takes in the feral look in Loki's eyes. He knows that if he were to check he would see the same in his own. 

He must take too long to respond because Loki jerks his arm hard enough to wrench his shoulder and shoves him face first against the wall. "Fuck or fight. I won't ask again." He can feel the hot puff of Loki's breath against the side of his face and the cool metal of a blade pressed against his flesh. 

A dark laugh rumbles out if his chest that turns into a gasp when Loki grips the hair at the base of his skull and tugs. "Either way. Just make it hurt."

Steve's sure he doesn't imagine the pleased noise that Loki makes as he drags the blade down his body slicing through fabric and skin.

  
  


❄️

Steve has Loki pinned face down on the bed, one hand wrapped tightly around his throat. His hips thrust erratically as though he can't decide whether to focus on his cock in Loki's ass or his hand squeezing Loki's airway. 

Loki's vision swims with spots as Steve's hand tightens. He can hear the wheeze of his breath even over the sounds of their flesh coming together. And then it stops, all of it, as Steve pulls out and stripes Loki's back with his release.

He can feel his anger inexplicably rise up at the thought of Steve marking him this way. In a flash Loki has a blade pressed tight against Steve's throat. He can see the way Steve swallows and breathes deeper bringing his flesh closer to the sharp edge. A trickle of blood runs down the tendon at the side of his neck. Loki has the urge to lean in and lick it up. To taste Steve, drink him in. He has a competing urge to sink his teeth into the tender flesh at Steve's throat to tear him open and expose his weakness. 

"Do it," Steve hisses, voice full of anger and challenge and Loki drags his gaze up to look at the blond. Wanting to see all that rage, wanting to feed off it. 

But it's not there. Loki almost pulls away, propelled by the relief in those blue eyes and the whispered "please do it" on Steve's lips. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to add any additional content warnings for this chapter because almost all the tags apply. So please read them again.
> 
> The title comes from the song I'll Follow You by Shinedown. The lyrics are so Steve and Loki.
> 
> This one hurt to write.

Chapter 3

  
  


❄️

Steve has his hands tangled in Loki's hair, nails digging bloody crescents into his scalp while he fucks Loki's mouth just like he does everything else; full of aggression and anger. 

Loki revels in it. He knows he won't be able to speak properly for at least an hour when Steve finally comes down his throat with a ragged gasp. He loves the way he can feel the delicate flesh at the corners of his mouth tearing and that they will burn for entirely too short a time. 

Mostly he thrills at the way Steve won't feel an ounce of remorse for how he hurts Loki in all the best ways. Just as Loki doesn't regret any of the abuse he heaps upon the blond in or out of bed. 

He looks up to meet Steve's glare when the blond's hips stutter and his grip tightens as he pulls Loki further down on his cock and cums with a groan so obscene that it makes Loki's own neglected erection twitch with renewed interest. 

The bitter taste of Steve's spend mixes with the acidic bile that rises from Loki's abused throat. He has a brief thought of kissing Steve and forcing him to taste it, but instead he swallows it down relishing the burn as he does. 

Loki knows that Steve will be vulnerable for a few seconds while he lets himself drift in the relative quiet of his mind that only comes from pain or orgasm. He knows that feeling well; has experienced it himself many times over the past several days. His moment of kindness passes quickly though as he surges up and roughly flips Steve to his belly in search of his own quiet.

☀️

"Fuck!" Loki laughs at Steve's shout and digs his fingers deeper into the open wound on the Captain's thigh. 

The pain is excruciating, but fades quickly to Steve's disappointment. It always fades too quickly. He longs for the days when his body was weak and fragile and getting roughed up in a back alley was enough. 

Now he has Loki. And even if the relief doesn't last long, at least it does come. In his more maudlin moods, when he can feel the jagged edges of his most disturbing thoughts creeping back in he wonders if this is what it feels like to be in love. 

☀️

The calls come daily, always at different times. Always with the same questions.

_ "Any issues with the prisoner?" _

_ "Do you need anything?" _

Steve always answers within three rings not wanting to raise any suspicions, definitely not wanting to prompt another visit. 

Which is how he finds himself swatting at his nightstand for his phone with one leg thrown over Loki's shoulder and the other wrapped around his waist. The god stops long enough to shoot an amused look at Steve and lean forward to grab the phone. He drops it on Steve's chest as he resumes thrusting. 

Steve answers the call and listens to Fury on the line, holding a hand up to stop Loki again. He lays like that, on his back with Loki's cock still buried inside as he listens to Nick Fury bring his world down around him. 

When he ends the call and sets the phone aside Steve takes a moment to just breathe.

"They're taking us back tomorrow." His eyes flick to Loki's face, but the god's expression is maddeningly blank. "I need… Make it hurt," he begs as he rolls his hips to encourage the god to move again.

He almost sobs when Loki gives him a soft look and brushes his hair away from his eyes. "I can do better than that Captain. I can destroy you."

Loki has Steve's hands pinned above his head with one of his own while he gently cups the side of the blond's face with the other. His hips rock gently, gliding his length in and out of Steve's body, always maintaining some contact where they are joined. 

His eyes fall closed and Steve is grateful because looking up into those green eyes is too much. The cruel way they search Steve's own, looking for his weaknesses hurts more than any physical pain Loki has given him thus far. 

Lowering his body until they are pressed together, chest to chest, Loki continues his slow movements. "This could be us. Always. If only we weren't so broken."

Steve tries to fight back his climax, but it crashes over him as soon as he feels Loki's own pulse through him. "I could have loved you. And you could have loved me too," Loki breathes in his ear.

And oh god, Loki was right, it does destroy him.

♦️

"What's going on?" Natasha asks as she watches the helicopter approach the deck of the helicarrier. 

She and Barton have only been back from their latest mission long enough to shower and change before Fury asked her to join him. 

"Pierce and some of the council members insisted on a short notice inspection last week. I made the decision to have Loki relocated while they were here." He gestures to the helicopter as it lands. "Captain Rogers has been keeping an eye on him."

"Are you sure that was a good idea," she questions. Her voice is neutral, betraying none of the anxiety she feels. 

Several guards step out followed closely by Loki and then Steve. Four more guards trail behind. 

Steve keeps stealing furtive glances at Loki, while Loki keeps his head held high not looking at Steve once. Natasha watches Loki scan his surroundings, cataloguing everything. 

She only has a second to react when he grabs one of the guards and pulls his weapon, pressing it tight against the guards temple while dragging the man away from them.

"Loki." Steve's voice is pained. He takes several steps towards the god, but Loki only retreats further.

Something isn't right. She knows it, but it doesn't click into place until Loki takes another step and hazards a look behind himself. 

She misread the situation. They all did. Loki isn't moving away from them. He's moving toward the edge. 

"Loki please," Steve pleads from beside her. 

It only takes a second, a tiny shift in Loki's stance for the crack of a gunshot to sound from behind her. Barton, she assumes. The guard jerks out of Loki's grasp as the god staggers back. 

She can see it before it happens. Beside her Steve must see it too because he darts forward reaching out just a moment too late.

Steve turns back and his expression is calm, too calm for what they just witnessed. He takes a few steps towards her. She watches him roll his shoulders and huff out a breath. And she knows she can't get to him in time as he turns and dives over the edge.

☀️

Steve watched Loki grab the guard, watched the bullet impact his shoulder and watched as Loki allowed himself to fall. 

It all fell away in that instant with him. All of the pain, the anger, the dark jagged edges of his mind and he is left with the quiet that only Loki could provide. 

He isn't ready to let that go. The wind rushes by, as he searches the sky. He tucks his body tighter to gain speed until he is only meters away. Then he stretches his arms and legs out to create more drag and slow his fall just enough to catch Loki's outstretched hand and haul his body close.

"Steve," the god breathes in his ear, barely loud enough to be heard over the wind screaming around them.

Below them the ground is rushing up and so he pulls Loki tighter whispering his love and hearing it returned. 

For the first time in forever Steve feels whole. His heart is full and his mind is quiet. Just the way he always wa-


End file.
